Changing our minds, I do it all the time. While most people would just chalk it up to me being a woman I like to pretend that I do it purposefully every once in a while. Ya know, as opposed to doing it just for fun.
Changing my mind ranges anywhere from switching between what T-shirt I want to wear, to driving my Tona crazy when he asks what i'm feeling for dinner. However at this moment in time, those minor changes seem quite insignificant to what I've had brewing in my brain.
Anyone who has talked to me in the last few years about what I want to do with my life has heard a very long description of my plans. I was, for a very long time, confident in my choice to go to medical school and NOTHING was going to sway me, I was ready. AND THEN.. life. I realized very quickly after spending the majority of my time at school buried in books, that I really wanted a life to go along with this amazing knowledge.
Now understand my dear friends, this is not an easy thing to write about. My poor little ego is screaming with horror at this very moment that I even considered changing my mind. BUT the other part of me is excited about possibly having the best of both worlds.
You know those Chinese finger traps you played with when you were a kid? I felt like my career self and my family self were jammed into either side and the more I pulled one way or the other the more stuck I felt. When you are in the moment of questioning your already planned out life, you get a serious pang of panic and fear when you realize that you actually might not know it all.
Surprise, Surprise..
This is when you turn to your family. My family is the most supportive group of crazies you will ever meet. Dayton is my biggest cheerleader and he even looks good in the outfit, (haha just making sure you are still paying attention) but really, he is amazingly supportive. They all helped put things into perspective and let me realize that I don't have to give up one part of my life for the other.
So, for the moment I have decided that I want to be a Physicians Assistant. This will cut my school time in half and allow me to spend more time with the people I love.. maybe even having my own little people one day. I said ONE DAY mom.. don't go buy me baby crap.
The take away from this post is that if you are in the conflict with yourself, prioritize. Figure out what you want from life, and go there. You won't be giving up on yourself, you will be giving yourself the gift of choosing a different kind of happiness. And that is a good way to change your mind.
In closing, I part with one of the greatest quotes I have ever heard by the Dalai Lama when asked what surprised him most about man,"Man, sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”
Live in your life. Be there for the things that matter to you. Changes can be good, even if they are scary.
--Shlog
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